Wednesday, 20 September 2017

MS & Isolation



One of the more unexpected things I have discovered since becoming disabled due to MS (and two other chronic diseases), is the sense of isolation I often experience.

Most people I am in contact with either have a partner/spouse, or family, or even a carer, to oversee their well-being. Someone they can intimately interact with, who appreciate the frustrating nuances of their daily-changeable situation. And they can journey through it all together. (And I'm very happy for them).

I have no-one. I am doing this totally on my own.

And compared to others, I feel very isolated, in this situation.

I am happy being relationally-single, as I would not want to live with me while I'm suffering from all the conditions I have, either! I wouldn't wish that on anyone - I do not want to put anyone else through what I am experiencing daily. It's cost me two long-term relationships already. That's not what I'm talking about.

I have a few people who check-in on me now and again (and, for which, I am eternally grateful!), but as far as relational immediacy, I'm doing it tough, I have to admit.

I find it awkward to continue some of my great online friendships as often as I like, because almost everybody seems to have a 'significant other'/carer in their life - and I don't quite identify with that - sometimes it makes me feel kind-of uncomfortable relating with them, inexplicably. I am honestly very happy for them. Maybe it's jealousy? I don't know... I don't think that explains it.

I'm not sure if I know how to explain the inexplicable.

I know it sounds obvious... but I didn't ask for this health condition. It's not my fault, and I have to make-do and deal with what I have with what I've got.

Some days are better than others. Some days I'm fine with it all. Other days, it doesn't come easily to me anymore.

I honestly don't want to / deliberately try to offend anyone - but somedays, I just don't give a shit anymore, tbh.

I'm finding it tough that I'm finding it tough. I think that's what I'm trying to say, as obvious as it sounds. I just need to say it.



Peas be with ewe 
Mal

4 comments:

  1. I have difficulty imagining what it would be like not having someone to communicate with on a daily basis. There are a lot of us taking this journey with you, Mal, but I must admit I sometimes feel that we can't contribute enough.

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    1. Thank you, Don. Simple supportive comments like this mean the world to me!!! I also appreciate how... frustrating it is for other people, trying to wrap their heads aroubd my situation... I know *I* do!

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  2. I haven't had the chance to properly 'speak' with you recently, Mal. Just want you to know that you're always in my thoughts. Also, just because some might have significant others doesn't mean (in my case at least) that we always have someone to talk to, despite what is seems like. I think that's why I blog! To get get it all out. Take care xx

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    1. Thank you TTT! I really appreciate your thoughts. I know that's why I blog too... just to get it out, too. :)

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